Two days in a row of public events with lots of other people and plenty of walking. It will take days to recover. We went to the zoo this evening. There was a City of Albuquerque thing going on for all the workers and their families. Since both Cody's parents work for the city they invited us to go. There were so so SO many people there. Apparently the city has 6000 workers. Add a spouse and a few rugrats and that's a whole lot of people to squeal loudly and invade my personal germaphobic space while I look at the incredibly cool porcupine with the prehensile tail.
I've wanted to go to the Zoo since we've moved here because I've heard it's pretty nice. And what I saw of it supports that. I'd compare it with the Taronga Zoo in Sydney. But I've only been to three zoos as far as I can remember: Birmingham, Memphis, and Sydney; so I'm not exactly an expert on zoos.
Well I didn't see all of it today because we didn't get to go until 5:30 and most of our time was spent eating a free hot dog and waiting in line for the little zoo train. I usually love zoo trains and have many fond memories of riding the one at the Birmingham Zoo. The one here in Abq is fairly new and mostly shows the back of the exhibits and the work in progress on the train that will be going from the Zoo to the Aquarium. But since it was free today we got our money's worth.
It got dark fairly early too and since it usually closes at five they don't have the place very well lit. So we mostly got to see the indoor exhibits. But Cody's dad has some freebie tickets from something else so we're going to go back in a month or so.
Since it got dark and it was pretty overcast today anyway I didn't get very many photos.
There are some great rescue stories about aquarium animals displaced by Katrina. And being fostered at different zoos.
I've read a few interesting posts on other weblogs today. And while I'm sorry to read about anyone having a bad time in their heads it is encouraging to see folks get a better understanding of what it's like to have depression because I know for a lot of people it's very hard to understand. They honestly just don't know why people with depression can't "just cheer up." And to a certain extent I can understand why they feel that way.
This is the best way I've been able to describe depression: Imagine having a crazy mean old aunt who is always saying bad stuff about you, what you look like, and everything you do. You can't do, say, wear, make, or cook anything that satisfies her - there will always be something wrong with it and she will voice her objections loudly and in the meanest most painful, hurtful way she possibly can. She's also really good at dredging up stupid things you've said and done many years ago and nagging you about them. Or the mean things other people may or may not have said about or done to you in your lifetime.
Ok, imagine if that aunt spoke using your own voice. And she lived in your own head. And every day you had to keep telling that mean aunt voice in your head that she should just shut the fuck up. While trying to keep a "proper" sense of self-awareness and reality because the worst part is sometimes that goddamned mean old aunt voice is right and your food sucks or you really shouldn't be wearing that shirt out in public.
This kind of internal struggle is very, very tiring. It makes building enough energy to get off the sofa very hard sometimes. Especially when the aunt is telling you that there's no point in moving your big lazy ass (which keeps on spreading by the way) because whatever you're getting up to do, you'll just mess it up anyway. Arguments are tiring, imagine having them with yourself all the time every day.
Bear in mind I'm talking about clinical not situational depression, which is a valid form of depression, of course, but situational depression usually goes away sometime (but it might be a long time) after the situation that triggered it. Clinical depression usually doesn't. Situational depression is easier for most people to understand. It's perfectly normal to be depressed over the loss of a parent, an ugly divorce, losing everything you own or people you love because of a natural catastrophe. It's not as easy to understand being depressed for no tangible reason. But worse things happening to other people doesn't mean that your pain and depression isn't valid. It's not a contest. No one wins the big righteous depression prize.
People deal with the depression in different ways: some get defensive and feel the need to make everyone else just as unhappy as they are, others want to go to bed for about a year or stay in the house all the time because the voice tells them they're not worthy of human company, or maybe they just seem like sleepy or angry misanthropes. Some people do them all and more, depending on the time of day or general temperature. A lot self-medicate with food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, or pet or object hoarding which is a whole new fun thing for the aunt voice to bitch about - creating an amusing self-destructive cycle.
For some people the antidepressant medication is neccesary. It doesn't exactly mute the aunt entirely but it distracts her a good deal. And her mean comments don't sting quite as much when she does make them. For some people its like a miracle when the meds work. For others its creepy to be so numb and they try to control it with physical or psyhciatric therapy. My feeling is that the meds make me able to get off the sofa and go out into the world. I still can't drive but that's not exactly the aunt that's something else.
Like I said it's kind of neat to see other people get a better understanding of what this is like. Not that I wish these kinds of feelings on anyone. Oh god no. It's just comforting to see more people get a better perspective on something that's a horrible condition to have anyway that gets magnified when people don't understand and tell you to "just cheer up."
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.egeltje.org/mt/mt-tb.cgi/536
Comments
Post a comment
If you're having trouble posting a comment at all please just email me or use the contact form on the sidebar