I got in trouble today. We were turning into the Smith's parking lot and I gave a woman talking on her cellphone while she was driving her Hummer the finger. She didn't notice she was too busy discussing her rental of Shrek 2 from Hollywood Video on her Verizon phone to notice an angry little liberal woman with messed up hair and a cute new sweater showing her the middle finger. Cody got mad and said that's the kind of thing that gets you shot. He's right. And it was immature.
But for just that one little half second all those feelings of anger and helplessness welled up in that one little digit and it stood straight up. It really couldn't be helped. Then I fought tears of embarrassment, knowing I'd just done something stupid, again. I hate it when I do dumb things like that and get scolded. But damn seeing that Hummer made me mad. For that one second that perfectly manicured little hand holding a phone to her blonde stiffly coiffed little head behind the wheel of that gigantic fucking car embodied everything that is wrong.
The anger comes in waves as I read typed opinions around the web and the world. Defeat, anger, blame. Then the smugness. Oh, the smug self-satisfied posts full of false statistics and the usual begged questions and straw men. Or worse, the simple frat boy posts with blog equivalents of head butts. Dude! Bush won! Awesome!
I'm still angry and right now reading other opinions about it on either side just makes me angrier. I've been smart enough to avoid watching anything other than movies on television. And I've been practicing some escapist Simming.
"Why don't you just move to France" Heh. Funny...moving to a country in Europe is a regular subject of discussion in this house and it's gotten much more frequent this week.
I'm having to fight Cody's blind idealism of what living in another country is like. He's never even lived outside of the state it's very hard to explain to him that while yes these other places do seem better he won't be able to do a lot of the convenient shit he's used to doing here.
Don't get me wrong, I loved living in Sydney. But that situation was a very unique one. My parents moved there temporarily to help start a new phone company in 1992 and I tagged along. Dad's company was paying hefty expense accounts for the privilege of having my father work there - and of course it was worth it. But the housing and food costs, not to mention the bi-annual round trip plane tickets, taxes, who knows what else, even supplemented by the company the costs were probably outrageous.
I have no idea where he thinks we'd put all our crap, or where the money to do this would come from. Or how our pets would go. We have a very stable marriage except when this subject comes up. Suddenly I become the cynical bitch and he's the idealistic fool and we take our stances and neither will budge. Our ultimate goals start to seem very very different suddenly. I like to think I'm a supportive wife but this subject makes me want to say ugly hurtful things about the car in our driveway that hasn't been started in two years or the complete unsellable state of our house. About our clear inability to live like functioning adults where we are now - how the fuck could we carry this show to Europe?
We've been having this argument for a year now. I think it's a moot point really. First he'd have to get off his ass and get a passport and even though I've gotten the application and birth certificate all ready for him it hasn't been done. So it's still talk. But it's a very touchy subject for us both and I honestly don't know why. Maybe because I know it'll never happen so I wish he'd dream about something that we could actually accomplish. Or show even a slight sign that this is a feasible plan for us. I don't feel like I'm complacent really. But right now I'm happy where we are - even with the fascist president and potential totalitarian state. In New Mexico we have excellent food and good weather and live in a place thats affordable enough to buy our computer games, dvds, take care of our pets, and keep me in happy bunny socks and underpants to my heart's content. Gee how American I sound.
I love him. Of course I do. And I fight the urge to point out his fiscal flaws because I'm reallyreallyreally not one to speak. I just don't want to move to Europe right now. But I'd love for us to get our crap together enough to visit.
But thanks for the suggestion.
I know! I know! Tell him that you will live in another country - but it has to be one that you START. So y'all need to save up enough money to buy a tiny island somewhere. Meanwhile, I'll invent the national dish and the national folk dances for your new country!
Posted by: Your Sister at November 5, 2004 8:43 AM
ya know - at least your other half isn't telling you he wants to run for president in 20 years. fucking a.
im with you on the humvee thing. I hate those things. they made my blood boil!
Posted by: Luka at November 5, 2004 9:17 AM
"Or worse, the simple frat boy posts with blog equivalents of head butts. Dude! Bush won! Awesome!"
To be honest with you, I've yet to see a Bush supporter leave a comment on a blog -- whose author has an opposing viewpoint -- that doesn't jive with the above description.
I'd have so much more respect for them if they were capable of it.
Posted by: marie at November 5, 2004 10:08 AM
I totally followed along, even though I am blonde -- I understand frustration and find that, sometimes, my fingers have a mind of their own, too. Don't let Cody scold you too much - I think your righteous indignation was well deserved!
Posted by: Kitty at November 5, 2004 12:09 PM
*hug*
Plus, I'd miss you. But I'd like to visit.
Posted by: Jocelyn at November 5, 2004 3:52 PM
I know what you mean... I've lived in France before and I'd go back but I think it's time to settle down here and have my own place with all of my own junk in it. Living abroad has never felt permanent to me.
Posted by: Anonymous at November 28, 2004 11:07 PM
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