I'm founding a new little kal group. It's called the Jaycrawlers. Anyone who started and hasn't finished their pair of jays is eligible. Here are the buttons.

Not perfect but it gets the idea across. Wear it with pride.

I heard a rumor that someone from a local knitting guild for which I also pay dues was at Village making teh ugly about knitbloggers, including some local ones. I'm not sure if this is sour grapes over a failed blog attempt or general technophobia but it kind of annoyed me.

I'll clarify a few things for people who read and don't get my blog (or blogs in general) and don't want to read the whole disclaimer.

1. You don't have to read it
2. I'm not writing it for you.
3. Comments about wastes of time and energy are laughable coming from someone who also spends time and money on a hobby that a lot of other people make fun of.
4. Don't like it? Bite me. Or pay my bills and I'll write whatever you want me to write.

Sheesh without the yarn fascists telling me what yarn is unacceptable and the hobby dictators telling me what is and isn't a waste of my spare time, I just don't know what I'd do.

We ran a lot of errands yesterday. Did a little retail therapy visit at Village Wools which was nice. I probably wouldn't have asked Cody to take me there but Jamie was working and I thought it would be good to get out for a little while. I'd brought Zola there last fall so they were really sad to hear about her. One of the women who works there, Franzi, had just picked out a pattern and some yarn to make a felted hedgehog so when she heard about Zola she took me right in the back and let me buy them instead, even though one of the yarns was the last in the store. It made me tear up. Again. Just every once in a while I get sad about it. Wasn't that just incredibly sweet though? I also found some really pretty iro and some funky optik and picked up two #1 circulars since the fuzzyfoot is going pretty well and neither of my circular kits go that small.

Then we got some boba tea and went to Page One Too to look for some books for Cody. I found a few things: a mindcandy Barbara Michaels, the new John Irving, and Reading Lolita in Tehran. I also ran into Kay, a very nice lady from the dropped stitch knitter's guild, whom I'd just seen at the giant knitathon at Tuesday's Stitch n Bitch. I hadn't seen her in months so it's been nice to run into her twice in one week.

She was the first person I watched spin with a spinning wheel. Unfortunately it was an incredibly cool Journey wheel (wheel in the sky keeps on tur-nin' - sorry can't resist hearing bad Journey songs in my head now) so all wheels pale in comparison to its coolness. Except my lendrum of course. Love my lendrum. Secretly want a journey wheel. (don't stop be-lievin'! Damn that Steve Perry's voice.) I'm hoping that Kay, Beverly, and I can get together and spin on our wheels sometime when Beverly's gets here. (Oh Sherri! Hold on Hold on!)

Then we went to the grocery store and bought food for the next two weeks. Then got subway sandwiches on the way home. So after having the dog run around and give us lots of kisses because she never thought she'd see us again and bringing in all the grocery bags while keeping the cats from getting into the garage I was putting the refrigerated stuff away. And the phone rang with the "long distance" ring meaning it was probably my parents or my sister. Cody was closer to the phone so he answered it.

It went sort of like this:

My Dad: Is this (Cody's and my last name which sounds a lot like DaVinci's but isnt)?

Cody in a friendly voice: Yeeees

Dad: I'd like a large house salad with light dressing and a large Mona Lisa pizza.

Cody thinking my dad is kidding: A large house salad and a large Mona Lisa pizza? Sure we'll get that for you.

My Dad: Ok we'll be by in forty-five minutes to pick it up.

Cody slightly panicking thinking they've come to Albuquerque as a surprise (which wouldn't be the first time) but also confused because he knew they were supposed to be in Atlanta this weekend: Uh, forty-five minutes? Ok, we'll have that ready for you.

Then he hands the phone to me. I'd heard the conversation and didn't have a clue what that was all about but I saw my parents' number on the caller id so I took the phone. And Dad had hung up. Now if this had been Cody's Dad we would've thought he was kidding around and would call back in a minute. He's kind of silly. My Dad is not silly, at least not silly like that. So I called them back.

I asked my mom if Dad had meant to order a pizza from us. Mom was confused. It seems that the phone in Dad's office is kind of weird (it's given me trouble when I've used it too) so it had redialed our house from when they'd called on Friday while Dad was dialing DaVinci's in Birmingham. The best part is that Dad is a retired executive from, what else? The phone company. So he really thought he was ordering a pizza. And probably wondered about the employee being so cheeky. This is an interesting new way to get me to call my parents.

It was very very funny.

I've been getting a whole lot of hits from sites that mention that ipod bra idea I drew up last year. Most of them seem to be written in languages I don't know so I have no idea if they're saying you can buy your ipod bra from me or if they just think it's funny. But I've been getting many hits related to the bra.

I really did consider making one of those giant t-shirts where if you wore it you would look like you were wearing my pink ipod bra. Or even making a real ipod bra. But I just haven't felt like being sued by Apple lately.

In any case I saw the banners for this year's boobiethon and just could not resist.

Hope no one minds but I really couldn't help myself.

I do not like the new look of itunes and it is too late to take the dog to the dog park tonight so she won't get to go until Wednesday now.

I wish the construction that's been going on behind our house since MAY would just finish already.

He'll give you a chocolate egg...

Ok that was totally tasteless but I love happy bunny.

George Bush
We have reasons to believe that the chicken still retained the capability to cross the road.Even though the claim of the chicken crossing the road hasn't been substantiated, we know that it had the intent to cross the road.Hence, our action against the chicken was justified for the greater good of chickenhood.

Prince Harry
The chicken can cross the road... it's not like it's black or anything.

Jan Engleland
The levels of foreign aid which encourages the chicken to cross the road have been really low.

Michael Moore
The role of George Bush behind the chicken's motive hasn't come out yet, so wait for my new documentary called "Chicken-Bush 9-11"

Ariel Sharon
It's because of such chickens that we have been forced to build a wall along the border.

Joseph Stalin
I couldn't care less.Catch it, crack its eggs and make me my omelette.

Sphinx
You tell me.

Margaret Thatcher
It had no other alternative.

Oprah Winfrey
And now the chicken will share with us the traumatic incidents that provoked him to cross the road.

George Orwell
The chicken may have been thinking that he was crossing the road on his own free will, but he was actually serving the Government's interest.

Gregor Mendel
To get various strains of road.

O.J.Simpson
It did not.I was playing golf with the chicken at that time.

General Musharaff
The chicken was a freedom fighter and his crossing the road symbolizes the state of unrest Kashmir is in.

Jayalalitha
We have shocking proof on how the Shankaracharya abetted the chicken in crossing the road.

Zeno
To prove that a chicken could never cross the road.

Isaac Newton
For every chicken crossing the road, there is a hen walking towards the other side

Tony Blair
I still agree with George.

I totally stole this from Rohit @ Insanely Inane Thoughts

Totally scotching this from Davezilla but it's such brilliant commentary on people who actually believe in looking at huge rocks floating in space then coming up with a sweeping prediction that one's brain immediately tries to connect to one's own life.

I'll be the first to admit I believe in some hokey shit myself but anyone who takes more than passing amusement in the validity of horoscopes is not thinking the process through very much. But I hear there's a lot of that going around in all the stylish religious circles this year. And at least this one is mostly harmless.

Well anyway this is damn funny.

WASHINGTON, DC— Cousin Wattle, the official National Thanksgiving Turkey who was to have been pardoned by President Bush in an annual White House ceremony that dates back to the Truman administration, is currently being held without formal charges or access to legal counsel, White House press secretary Scott McClellan confirmed Tuesday.

I try to not reference the onion too often or I would end up copying their stuff verbatim every week but this was too funny.

The Underpants Gnomes patented plan

I've been kind of "not right" this weekend. A mean little cycle of getting hungry, eating something, then feeling nauseated for a few hours until I feel hungry again. Even with soup. Mer.

And, no, I promise you it's not that. Really. It's not. Stop it.

In other personal news I'm finding that everything I buy must match my pink ipod mini. This is a strange phenomenon that I'm unable to explain. But, yes, pink has been sneaking into my black, white, and khaki wardrobe more and more lately. I think it's easiest to blame it on the ipod.

After getting a really good laugh about that apple branded sock's general silliness, my brain made a very bad red hot chili peppers joke to itself that I chose not to share with the world. I will share this one though: it makes a great stocking stuffer.

Then during a strange conversation I don't want to get into Cody and I came up with a design concept that could make us millions: bras made in ipod mini colors using that weird metallic thread for the cups with a big padded clickwheel on each boob. It would be like fredericks of hollywood noveltywear for geeks!

Here's a very crude (in at least two ways) mockup of what I mean

I guess there could be a matching pair of panties with a click wheel in the front center as well.

Yeah, ok time to go eat some saltines and drink water. No it's not that.

Historical Fiction - How do medieval-themed restaurants get it wrong? By Mark Schatzker

snagged from Chastity Catt

also snagworthy- This Bible You Sold Me Is Clearly Defective and I'd Like to Return It, Please

Don't you guys without kids hate it when people don't have anything better to ask you:

"So..when are you going to have kids?"

I came up with the perfect answer this morning:

"Well, not yet. But when monkeys fly out of my husband's ass I'm gonna turn to him and say, 'Baby, let's breed!'"

said while doing a really bad job on the carpentry puzzle in puzzle pirates:

"I'm an idiot savant without the savant bit."

If you've been online for a while you've probably seen this before but it's still pretty damn funny.

213 Things Skippy Can't Do

Our houseguests' visit was short but sweet. They're a very nice new-agey lesbian couple. I've known one for 22 years or so she went to college with my sister in the early eighties and I stayed at her apartment in Birmingham for a month when I was doing that international vagabond thing in 92. We'd met her girlfriend at my sister's wedding in April and she was very nice. Like I said, they're quite new-agey, not something I'm unfamiliar with, and had been on some kind of road trip vision quest thing all summer. I think our suburban household might have been a little weird for them even with our strange hours and grasp of alternative lifestyles. They seemed to enjoy my shampoo and tea selections though. I'll admit I have good and admittedly expensive taste where those are concerned. Strangest thing though. Cody had bought some fat free hot cocoa for me because its been getting cold and he knows I like to make a fire, sit on the sofa with the puppy, drink cocoa, and watch tv. It seemed to offend Bluejay somehow though. She kept commenting about our swiss miss. I'm still not entirely sure what that was about.

Is it the neutrality of the Swiss? The patriarchial term "miss"? The evil corporate implications? Cocoa beans? The dehydration process? We just don't know.

The great hedgehog webring flame war continues.

Clearly no sense of irony. This was when I decided to use my secret weapon - a husband with a creative writing degree. Yeah I know it's a copout but he so enjoys flexing those old Anarchy Online flamewar muscles every once in a while. And, well, I felt that at this point she needed to be destroyed.

Cody totally kicks ass doesn't he? Then I blocked her email address. It was time to just let it go.

Since these emails I've been accepted into the ridgeback webring (which has 212 active sites) and the got cats webring (which has 63).

What's really funny is I couldn't give two shits if I got in her webring or not but the way she went about it just rubbed me the wrong way and, well, like any proper hedgehog I got huffy and stuck my spikes out.

Hey, cry me a river dude, it's not my fault you don't know the tiger hand.

Rock, Paper, Saddam! The Flash!

Do you remember those chapters in The Water Method Man where the frustrated graduate student uses all his impeccable writing skills to write mean letters to his creditors? I guess this is my, not so well-written, version of it.

The last bit was Cody's idea. Heh.

Ok I just got 40 spice hummus up my nose and that's painful. But watching Blair and Bush sing 'endless love' was worth it.

Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines

"Make all your Dreams Come True"

snagged from pop culture junk mail

I've run across two things that look like so much fun but they're both out of reach for me -

Theme Book / Food Group in Boston
and
The Salon Cruise That's actually the first time I've ever had an interest in going on a cruise since seing the Poseidon Adventure. Well there was also that floating apartment building thing that looked pretty cool too.

While I really try to avoid the whole interblog conversational linky love thing this was too good to let anyone miss-

Oh how I wish I could have a video from that elevator's security cam

via Bitter-girl

Sushi Etiquette - dip fish side down.

Japanese table manners

History of Japanese cuisine

Ball State's guide to power lunches.

I can't resist adding this booklink I ran across last night too. Sorry.

World's Largest Collection of World's Smallest Versions of World's Largest Things Traveling Roadside Attraction

So I've been a bit busy getting ready to fly to Alabama next week to visit my parents and then be in my sister's wedding. And don't get any funny ideas about coming to my house and mo-lesting my hedgehog because we've got a swarthy Italian youth staying here while we're gone.

The wedding will be up in Sewanee, Tennessee, where the groom is researching his dissertation. The wedding will be very pretty and I'm quite excited to be wearing a very pretty dress and my cool new accessories.

But I think I'm most excited about getting to hit the national cornbread festival (beware! autoload music!) which will be running concurrent with the wedding events. Ok I'm not really. But I think it's funny.

It occurred to me the other day that literally is the new inconceivable.

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."