water and social exercises

Because of the holiday there was only one water aerobics class yesterday but somehow I managed to stay there longer than usual.

Thankfully the crazy hippycrite woman was not there. I've been leaving halfway through the third class because if I stay the whole time I usually get a weird swimsuit burn on my underarm from all the repetitive arm movements. So I haven't really spoken with her since my post. Yes, I'm avoiding confrontation as well but that arm burn stings and it's better for me to be able to use deodorant trust me.

I ran into a friend-of-a-friend and her mom and we talked a long time about her bar results angst and another friend-of-a-friend who has serious delusions about her abusive crack addict boyfriend. I stood around in the pool talking with her and using water weights.

My resolve to not expose myself to much political stuff has been going fairly well. I slip every once in a while because there are several older women at the gym with whom it's quite fun to discuss politics. I guess it doesn't really count because none of them are with the media.

Anyway, I spent another hour or so doing resistance work in the pool with a kick board and talking to a woman who had seen a Kerry-Edwards button on my gym bag and then given me another one with "no bush" on it. They've started broadcasting Air America programs on a local am station here and she was very excited about that (as was I). She actually does a lot of grassroots work like making signs and standing on corners with them as well as handing out buttons and stickers in public places. I told her about the rooftop revolt which she found very exciting.

She seems cool but..

Again, here's a cool person with strange ethnic hangups. I have no idea how the conversation got to this but at one point she mentioned how the "Spanish" people here (in New Mexico - as I understand it they prefer to be called Hispanic) tend to discriminate against Mexicans (ie those who have immigrated from Mexico in the last generation - whom I've been taught to call Mexican Nationals). Now she wasn't saying anything particularly derogatory so my red flag didn't raise quite as high as it did with the other lady.

Maybe I should clarify why I'm so hyper-aware of discriminatory remarks like this. Aside from being pretty aware of acting like a proper New Mexico transplant I grew up as a white woman in post-civil rights movement Birmingham, Alabama. So my hometown is associated with all those awful newsreels from the 60s with the dogs and the police attacking people who wanted to eat lunch at the same counter as white people. My parents had to cross picket lines their first day of college in Memphis. My sister has a master's (and almost a PhD) in African American Feminist Lit. My neighborhood in Birmingham (Mountain Brook) had a large enough Jewish population to serve Matzos in the cafeteria during passover. One of my serious high school boyfriends was Jewish and taught me a lot about Judaism which started me on a very interesting journey of religious study. And, I'm the only non-Hispanic girl my husband ever dated. When I was travelling a lot I enjoyed immersing myself in the culture around me and the greatest compliment I could get was being mistaken for a local or, at the very least, not a typical American tourist.

I have been living in an atmosphere (by both accident and design) with very low tolerance for discrimination in lots of ways. In fact, lately I've even been trying to work through my right-winger Christian discrimination issues. I reallyreally try to be aware of discriminatory comments. Sure, sometimes I joke about 'damn hippies' or 'those dern yankees' and get in trouble but for the most part I stay out of trouble.

Back to what happened with this woman. She wasn't saying anything particularly bad about Hispanics or Mexican Nationals - just she thought it was odd that one discriminated against the other. Apparently she'd taught some fairly troubled teenage youths at a school in the South Valley.

She seemed to be mostly confused because it was internal discriminations within a subset of a larger group that is discriminated against. I didn't necessarily defend the fact that they did discriminate but I explained why they might want to separate themselves from the common prejudice against immigrants. My example was that while I'm proud that I'm from Alabama I still work my ass off to separate myself from the redneck trash usually associated with the place. In fact, my pride comes from the fact that I managed to grow up there without being an ignorant racist asshole. It seemed to make sense to her and I think it made her reconsider her weirdness a bit.

As I understand it, it's not uncommon for groups that are discriminated against to discriminate against another group. I've heard nasty discriminatory comments made by people in Japan against those in Korea, African-Americans against Jewish people, Italians against Irish, how about the famous feud between two colleges in Alabama? There always seems to be that attitude, "Well I may be (blank) but at least I'm not (blank)." It's interesting to think about isn't it?

Routine

Also, I've decided that since I have a fairly set routine now I'm going to set up an appointment with Jenny Craig next week and get back on their plan.

I go to the gym three times a week: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I usually get to the gym between 7:30 and 9 am and work out, take classes, swim, sit in the hot tub until about 11:30 or 12:00. Then I walk over to the Keva Juice, get a citrus sunrise with all the supplements and a shot of wheatgrass juice. Then I go to the Subway next door and get a six inch turkey on honey oat with guacamole, lettuce, tomatoes, and black olives. Isn't it funny that despite my total lack of a regular sleeping schedule I can be such a creature of habit?

So I've decided to add Jenny Craig to my routine since it's just down the way from the Keva Juice and Subway. I feel like I really need to pair my exercise with diet to really see results. It's kind of funny but I actually miss the Jenny Craig food too. It also adds more time to Cody's nap before I call him to come pick me up.

And all this hard work seems to be paying off: every once in a while I'll touch my thigh or upper arm and feel the hardness and definition of actual muscle. It's such a cool surprise I usually make squeaky noises and make Cody lean over and feel it.

Now if I could only get over my new popsicle addiction.

fighting a cold

I feel like I've been fighting a cold the last few days. I've been a little achy with a sore throat but really noticed it yesterday morning at the gym. Sure I'm not the most in-shape person in the world but I can usually breathe well doing the cardio equipment and always enjoy the water aerobics class. Yesterday I was just tired. So I'll be hanging out in bed for a while. The good news is we have Cody's laptop and a wireless network hehehehe. This is one of the reasons we set it up so in a way I'm kind of excited to have an excuse to use it. On the other hand I don't relish feeling like crap.

Oh, Cody interviewed for the nighttime supervisor position this afternoon. There were two other applicants. One isn't eligible for administrative reasons the other is still in school and has taken a lot of sick time which will definitely come into consideration at such a small office. Cody's totally going to get it. He programs little extra helpful tools for the office in his spare time and asks for nothing in return, has been sent to work at other offices out of state, has been there longer, and has had managerial experience before.

This will be a good change - being a supervisor means that he would be working something like a 4pm - midnight schedule and automatically gets holidays off. Basically our favorite swing shift. The bad part is if someone called in and he couldn't find a replacement he'd have to go in. I've asked him how he'd feel about that. But he seems ok with it. These guys are geniuses at keeping the place interesting for him.

vaguely dieting

So I've heard that Arby's Chicken Salad is good but, damn, it's not worth it.

That's more than twice the 21 grams of fat a day I shoot for in one sandwich. And people wonder why Americans are fat.

yay me!

So I gritted my teeth and made phone calls yesterday until I found a new doctor. And they even made an appointment for me the same day. She's a CNP which I actually prefer to an MD. They work under the supervision of an MD but they usually are more relaxed and have time to address every issue. I didn't want to forget to talk about all my issues so I'd made a list.

So yay I'm back on the wellbutrin! Dopamine how I've missed you. Here's hoping I'm taking it in time for it to counteract the explosive nightmare depression-episode-inducing pms I've been having the last few months since being off of it.

The only bad bit about being with a new doc is they don't really appreciate what I've accomplished this past year. Yes I have a good ways to go but losing 40 pounds is a big big deal. The fact that I don't drink regular cokes, try to stay under 21 grams of fat a day, and eat generally much healthier (not to mention the quitting smoking) is a great accomplishment! I just gotta work on drinking the water and getting exercise.

Guys you may not want to read this so cover your eyes. But this must be said. Those plastic speculums....owie!

healthy eyeballs

We went to the eye doctor today. Found a great one we like a lot. Can set appointments online and we got free coffee from the satellite coffee shop next door. The receptionist is somehow very perky and friendly yet not annoying.

Cody got contacts! It's like I have a whole new husband! Seriously the only times I've seen him without glasses is in the shower and in bed. We're looking for some cool wrap around black sunglasses for him. He tried some on and they looked goooood but they were a bit expensive so we're going to wait. He hates it when I say this but he totally looked like a young Bob Dylan. *swoon*

He's had quite a makeover lately - a nice suit, new shoes, polished his old ones, even new underpants! I keep expecting the Queer Eye guys to come popping out of a closet - so to speak.

I got new glasses too. They're terribly cute little rimless anne kleins but there aren't any online photos of them. It's kind of hard to see rimless glasses so that would be why there aren't any photos I guess. But they're very light and I feel adorable in them. Sadly I won't have them in time for the trip.

My eyeballs are hot and dry now and things are very bright of course. We went to the mall to see if we could find some cheaper sunglasses we liked. He bought me some happy bunny mints but nothing else really tempted us. Still smarting from spending that much on glasses.

Now I just have to find a damn primary physician covered under our new insurance. The place five minutes from our house "isn't accepting new patients" wtf is that about? grumble grumble

ok

Ok so enough futzing around with figuring out movable type templates. Time to bite the bullet and post already. Not trying to make a big deal with this site. Just want to get some thoughts written down someplace because I think I rely way too much on other people to remember the random crap I say. And it was kind of fun making Nicole's website. Clearly I'm out of practice but at least I'm getting the css/dynamic content thing this time around. Been so long since I've made a website. Four years? Five? I'd given up on the site creation. At the time I don't think I had much else to say. Felt like I was talking in the wind. I guess what's changed is I don't really care if no one reads this.

I've definitely got some rules in mind for myself. I won't get involved in the blog wars bullshit. I won't check my referrer logs. Maybe I'll link to weblogs I like to read but I don't want to get involved in cliques, personality cults, that kind of thing. This is the big one: I won't consider my audience when writing. If people like what I have to say, great. If not there are about ten trillion other sites out there to play with. A few 'real life' friends or family may be made aware of the site but I will not worry about it. Of course these are my rules so I suppose I can break them anytime.

Kind of in a bad depression the last two nights. Generalized anxiety, tense jaw, tight feeling where my neck meets my skull. Feels kind of like a nic fit but it's been 1y 1m 3w 1d since I smoked. A few fleeting bad thoughts. Overwhelmed with the neverending list of shit to do. Might be pms. Last month was like a nightmare pms meltdown that caused me to gain ten of my beloved 40 lost pounds. Still haven't lost it back yet. Damn. I really need to get an appointment with my doctor and get back on the wellbutrin. I was on a blissful zoloft/wellbutrin cocktail - it took a whole lot to make me upset and I didn't want to eat or smoke to feel better. Cody made cheeseburger macaroni hamburger helper with ground turkey for me last night. I can't eat high fat foods even if I want to now - makes me really sick afterwards. Never thought I'd be that kind of gal.

Set up a play area for the hedgehog on the new desks and turned off the light. She's been running on the wheel a bit, eating, and napping.