But I'm feeling much better tonight. A little anxious about inexplicable things but I can handle that. It's so hard to explain to people who've never had these kinds of symptons what it's like. My latest diagnosis has been depression with generalized anxiety and panic disorder with a side order of social phobia and mild agoraphobia. Basically I get really sad for no reason, get panicky for no reason, can't drive alone without heart palpitations and dissociative feelings, a majority of people scare me - particularly rabid right wingers lol.

Funny thing is people are generally shocked to learn these things about me because when I do go out I actually come off really well-adjusted and normal. People are generally shocked to learn I have a tattoo as well though. Imagine me coming off as a round shiny preppie housewife girl. Ha! It's like that's my evil depression superhero cover identity.

So the depression thing pretty much covers it all and mix that in with the hypothyroid and I'm tired all the time if I don't take my meds. Twelve hours of sleep are perfectly normal for me during these times. Even when I do take my meds it takes a lot of coffee to get me going when I wake up. Sometimes I look back at my pre-diagnosis years and can pinpoint the symptoms. I try not to define myself by these things though. Does depression define who I am? Sure these things affect my daily life but I'm not sure if it does any more than where I grew up, the color of my hair, or who I'm married to. Maybe it's what I read. Kidding.

A few years ago there was a person I thought we were friends with stop calling us after she found out Cody and I are both on medication for depression. How fucked up is that? What year is this? In a way it was kind of a relief because every time we went to the movies with her and her ex-junky boyfriend they wanted to go see the most awful dreck films like payback or stigmata. Hmm she was prejudiced against our mental disorders and I was prejudiced against her stunted taste in film plots. I may be crazy but at least I don't want to pay full price for a piece of crap vigilante action flick mel gibson pre-passion-but-somehow-just-as-bloody-and-self-righteous dreck crap with a bloated budget and flash film and lighting tricks that's been redone infinitely since 1992. Give me my phobias and depressive days any day over that shite.