I’m so lazy these days I’ve given up any pretense of posting a narrative blog entry. Just lists. And if I get any more morose and whiny on here I’m going to become an official emo blog. But if I’m destined to have a small animal-themed emo blog with occasional knitting posts, then a small animal-themed emo blog with occasional knitting posts I write.

Anyway, this is old-schooll link style bloggin, babies.

1. I’m incredibly proud of my friend, Scout. Where she gets the energy to raise two children, keep a spotless house, work at a yarn store, knit (and finish) projects on a consistent basis, and get quoted in a major US newspaper is beyond me. I envy her energy.

2. I have no idea what I’ve done to make a sweet guy like Cody love me so much. That he can be woken up with his wife in a pitiful state of simultaneous tears, nausea, and hunger because she’s too sick and weak to figure out what to eat, make blueberry toast for her, introduce her to the eighth wonder of the world: apple slices with peanut butter, all without being cranky or upset, then go back to bed makes him a guy who should win a nobel prize for husbands.

3. I’m fairly sure that Zola has Wobbly Hedgehog Sydrome, a misleadingly cute name for a horrible disease. It’s supposed to be similar to human MS. Basically her legs are getting stiff and can’t hold her body up so she keeps falling over, especially when she tries to walk. Eventually she won’t be able to move by herself. And while there are things that I can do to slow the degeneration there is no cure. I’ve been noticing slight changes since last fall but thought she was just being lazy and enjoying her new heating system a lot. At just under three years old she isn’t that old for a hedgehog. And she’s been much more vocal lately. For a while I thought she was just getting more talkative, now I think they’re little honks of frustration because she can’t get to where she wants to go.

This isn’t definite yet. We’re going to the vet this weekend. But it’s looking pretty likely (warning! heartbreaking video of sick hedgehogs in this link!). Another genetics-related disease, despite going to a serious breeder. If there is a god I’m giving it a big middle finger right now. (Kind of explains the above crying hungry nauseous situation doesn’t it?)

I’ve been holding her up to help her get some walking on the table and giving her little massages. The spookiest part (as it was when Melon was sick) is this is the least cranky and most compliant she’s ever been. You know they’re sick when they’re not being feisty. And I don’t think she can form a complete ball anymore.

And, yes, we will be putting her down when she’s no longer able to move by herself. I believe very strongly in controlling the pain and keeping a good quality of life for my pets. The ability to say that there has been enough pain and to stop it now is one of the few things we can control. So we will. We’ll probably send her body to the Veterinary School in Ft Collins where they can perform an autopsy to confirm that it was WHS. If it’s positive I’ll contact the breeder so she’ll stop breeding that line.

4. I’ve been a greedy little yarn hoarder lately. Not only did I buy the gorgeous Maisy Day pink and green shawl set from Hello Yarn (even though I haven’t finished the pumpkin patch one yet), I managed to snag two skeins of Vesper sock yarn (one midnight knitter and one neapolitan). I higly recommend subscribing to her etsy shop’s rss feed that’s how I managed to grab em before she was bought out. I’ve also been given the most amazing yarn lately - Lorna’s Laces sock yarn, a great pink silk blend from Artful yarns in San Fran, really cool fiber to spin. But I think I mentioned that in a previous post. I should take some yarn porn photos. Especially of the bombyx silk bell. That thing is COOL!

5. I saw a post about fabric by a Japanese designer that used to be in my room when I was a little girl. It was the spookiest thing because I’d totally forgotten about this colorful automobile themed fabric. My mom stretched it over wooden frames like painting canvases and had them hanging in my room. Total freakish flashback when I saw it.

6. This is possibly the most depressing article about body image, women’s value, the male gaze, and mental health I’ve ever read. A beautiful girl has a horrible psychosis - hallucinations, auditory hallucinations, inability to function..the whole deal. The only medication that works for her makes her gain weight. Everyone else is upset by the “loss” of her beauty despite her complete lack in interest in her physical change (presumably because she’s happy to not be seeing or hearing things?).

The doctors seem to think the fact that she doesn’t have stringent standards of beauty is an indication that she’s still “broken”. Fuckers. Between the romaniticizing of a beautiful crazy woman, the lack of value in mental health vs. the overvalued beauty standards, the creepiness of her doctor allowing his obvious physical attraction to his patient affect the medication and choice of treatment, not to mention the stilted way in which the article was written makes me, more than ever, Blame the Patriarchy.

7. This, on the other hand, is one of the more inspiring posts I’ve read in a while. And I read a lot of inspiring posts. Not only do I love the idea of Vanessa Bell, Dorothy Parker, and Henri Matisse being together in the same room, but the idea of sitting around knitting with them..what a delicious idea!

8. On a similar note I’ve decided, after hemming and hawing about the “commitment” of joining another knitalong, to join Project Spectrum. The concept of knitting with specific colors every month to celebrate the beauty and power of color strikes way too close to home for me to not get involved. So for the Month of March I will be knitting with the Red and Pink Posie color of Silk Road Tweed to make a besotted cable scarf.

9. I’m looking forward to Friday more than I’ve looked forward to watching the olympics in a long time.

10. Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of the night I learned to knit. I know. Weird isn’t it?

Believe me, I had no idea I would enjoy this particular hobby to this extent. I hadn’t been creative with my hands pretty much since finishing my sculpture degree in 1997. Before that I’d been a tactile creator in one form or another since I was a young girl playing on my electric pottery wheel and painting on my little easel. But that myth about it being hard to be creative when you’re happy is kind of true.

It’s not a coincidence that I also met and moved in with the love of my life that year. Which is funny because I’d broken a lot of barriers that academic year. A set of my paintings had won an award at the annual student show, I’d joined a life drawing group of professional artists, which was also instrumental in changing how I felt about my own body because I discovered that the plumper, curvier models were a LOT more fun to draw. But I’d also had a major depressive episode, been diagnosed with and put on meds to treat depression for the first time, gone through major changes with some important friendships, and been alone with my mother when she had her first seizure, worked for a magazine that quickly went under, and taught myself html in a weekend. It was a weird-ass year.

So after a long incubation period, I started creating with my hands again. And it, as cheesy as it sounds, has changed my life. Oh, believe me, I’m sure I did my share of eye-rolling about the fiber arts when I was playing the macho power tool welding sculptor game. But I’d taken some great classes on women in the arts and already worked with Judy Chicago. I knew the potential of expression, great ideas, of history behind it. But I think it was when I saw Mac post about the knitty womb that really caught my attention. This was feminism and history and creativity coming together in a crazy fun way. Then I saw the Joey Ramone and Joan Jett dolls and Cody overheard me sqeal about the coolness of it all.

I started to fantasize about making my own DeeDee (the smarter, more pensive Ramone) doll. So for giftmas before last Cody bought Stitch and Bitch and Stitch and Bitch Nation for me. Then helped me buy what I needed to get started. Then took me down to see his crafty aunt when we were fixing her computer. She showed me how to do a long tail cast-on and a basic knit stitch. And the rest, as they say, is history. I was hooked.

And thank the gods for it because I finally found something to create with my hands again. I’ve actually found a way to be creative and feel somewhat financially successful too. The fact that it has hugely calming side effects has been a wonder too. And I’ve met some great and interesting friends. Which was incredibly important to me when Jocelyn, my best friend and major link to the rest of the world, moved to San Fran. I’ve been getting out at least once a week. And getting back into the groove of being a proper socialized person again. Not just some cranky feral woman who sleeps by day and is afraid of most people. Well, I’m being a little dramatic but sometimes it felt that way.

So thank you Cody. Thank you Mac. Thank you Knitty and Debbie and my Crafty Aunt-in-law. Thank you to my Albuquerque knitting friends for being so tolerant of my seeming constant need for positive reinforcement about my projects. Thanks you guys.

Ok, I’m off to take care of my little honking hedgehog I think she wants some food.