Glowing Electric Sex Tree

So we decorated a tabletop tree the other night. We wanted some kind of tree but didn’t want to commit to the full thing this year. Since redecorating the office we have an extra desk in the living room which is handy for all the yarn mailing I’ve been doing but is in the exact spot where we usually put the tree. I also didn’t think I was up for putting up and taking down a full sized damn tree this year.

I’m coming to realize that while I’ve managed to commit to interpersonal relationships with comparative ease I have trouble committing to, among other things, paint colors, decorating schemes in general, and what I want to eat. Even though we bought a tree two years ago in the post-xmas sales and I have yet to take it out of the box and put it together. We were out of town last year and I just didn’t want to put up a tree to leave and come back weeks later to just have to take it down. It would’ve just been a giant hazardous cat toy. So the other day we bought a tabletop tree at Target. It was on sale and it involved a lot less heavy lifting. And there was no having to go into the scary shed business which was the main thing. We also decided to just use the ornaments I’ve acquired at the last two Aunts’ ornament parties because..the other ornaments are in the dreaded shed.

Yes the innocuous little aluminum shed in the backyard is becoming Dirk Gently’s refrigerator in The Long, Dark Teatime of the Soul. Someday it will produce a brand new God of Denial. But while I sit around in my ugly hat pondering the interconnectedness of all things I still want a shiny tree to help secure a feeling of holiday cheer because to be honest I haven’t been feelin’ it this year. Not at all.

So on Monday night we went on a quest for my favorite holiday movie on DVD (which we didn’t have in the lost pile of movies anyway). I love that version of A Christmas Carol - mostly because it’s scary and there are musical numbers. And the musical numbers aren’t even what makes it scary. After four stores we found it. And a wonderfully silly string of lights (more on that later). Then we went home to decorate the tree, wrap presents, and watch movies.

The tree took all of thirty minutes to decorate. And I forsee easy taking down as well. Now that’s what I like. We can’t have a real tree anyway because of pets an a severely allergic husband. And I hate hate hate wrestling with lights and broken lights and tangled lights. So I’m all about the prelit trees I don’t give a shit what the tree purists say. I just want to get the tree up and decorated so I can sit and look at the pretty lights then move on to the next task. So this was ideal. Hell, we may do this from now on.

Then we had about 10,000 presents to wrap. Cody came up with a great idea this year for the present wrapping: he moved the room divider screen into the den so we could sit in the same room and watch movies but still keep our presents a secret! The pets were totally confused of course. But all present wrapping for everyone (except the ones I’m bringing to B’ham since I’ll be carrying it on the planes) are wrapped. Hooray hoorah. Then I put some on the desk under the tree and put the rest on the dining table.

So here are all the presents