If only this were a joke but this is from an actual screen shot of a real website. Looks like the Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Company plans to make some money on the surge in popularity of Christianity by using biblical figures and selected passages and incorporating them into an incredibly tacky toy. If I actually believed in this religion I would probably be insulted by it.

A few comments I can’t *not* make.

Why David? And why does he have a mullet?

I love Mary’s ghetto mod frosty lipstick and Wilma Flintstonesque dilated pupils.

Speaking of dilated pupils, does anyone else think Moses looks kind of like he’s been living in Jamaica and smoking a lot of pot while everyone else thought he was in the desert? Cody thinks his voice sounds just like James Earl Jones. “Luuuuuke..pass the dutchie from the left hand side”

Does anyone else doubt the liklihood of Jesus sporting his beard with a soul patch?

And what the fuck is with the Raiders of the Lost Ark poster style? Are we supposed to think about all those wacky scrapes Jesus and his whip got into while searching for his Daddy’s grail and dodging those pesky nazis? Dun de dunDUN dun de DUUUN.

I can’t help thinking about all the hate mail Kevin Smith got when he was making Dogma - a movie that, in the end, puts a lot of creedence in the concept of faith and divine love. Now seriously. Which is more insulting to Christianity? Buddy Christ or these action figures?

And I can’t pass up another opportunity to reference the Jesus Christ sports statues. Don’t forget kids: if you lose the game it’s because Jesus doesn’t love you.