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Username: hedgeblog

I’m not bitter or anything just highly amused with who’s been accepting and rejecting my affiliate applications so I thought I’d post a few of my rejection emails.

And no links to cheap-ass stores selling crap made in third-world sweatshops for my visitors! Or was it something I fucking said? :p

David Sedaris essay in last week’s New Yorker? Yes, true love really is lancing a boil on your love’s butt.

GIFTMIXER 3000 is funny and surprisingly accurate.

I signed up for secret santa thing but it just wasn’t enough to get me into the holiday spirit.

So I had an idea last night.

I’m going to accept comments on this post until December 12th. Anyone who includes a link to their wish list to any store will have their name put in a hat. On the 13th I’ll draw a name and buy a present from the wishlist (or send a gift certificate if there isn’t anything on the wishlist that’s under ten-fifteen bucks or you’re in a country where shipping is going to cost a fortune). And hopefully it’ll get to you in time for Yule, Xmas, Kwanzaa but a bit late for Chanukah.

Just my way of sending out a little love and commercialism to try closing out the year of fucking doom on a positive note.

So you’ve got a week to sign up. And don’t forget to link to your wishlist! Or you can always be sweet and link to someone else’s wishlist. And you can spread the word if you want to.

In light of recent MPAA activity Cody’s been making me really paranoid about the mp3s this week so I’m looking into broadcasting streaming playlists.

What I have in mind is similar to Gene Cowan’s Radio 2 but haven’t the first clue how to go about it. I’ve been researching podcasting, radioblogs, and shoutcast/live365 stuff but none of those do what I want. I just downloaded this MP3dj thing so hopefully I can get that to work.

As I understand it - offering a single song from an album as a sample for a limited time and encouraging the listener to purchase the album constitutes fair use. But I’m married to Mr Paranoid. Today I’m going to do this anyway but I’d love to hear thoughts or suggestions for what you think. Serious rationalizations are always welcome too.

pls rt-clk + sv-as thx mch xxoo

Blondie - Call Me En Espanol

Devo - Mongoloid
(buy album)

Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies - Danny’s Song
(visit their site)

Kate Bush - Rocket Man
(buy album)

Tears for Fears - Pale Shelter
(buy album)

Can’t you hear the little bell dangling off my hedgehog’s antlers up there? I love my new design so much
So now that it’s actually December I’ve started the serious present shopping, online of course. I love buying presents. I love finding the perfect present for people - things they might not even know exists but if they did they would really want it. Just my way of spreading holiday cheer without having to get antibiotics involved. Not that *I* need them or anything I’m just saying things can get dangerous during cold and flu season and with my ticky thyroid I can catch things..nevermind.

Just be sure to wash those hands early and often, folks!

Anyway, here are my ideas so far.

This for the three-month-old niece. I just really like the way it looks like a tiny little puppy. And it’s kind of stinky like a puppy too except puppies don’t usually fart lavender smells when you squeeze em. Hope this child isn’t allergic to everything like the nephew or it could be a problem. I dunno I think it’s cute. And so is my niece with her little mop of dark curly hair and chubby pale cheeks she looks just like her uncle. Here’s to hoping this is the rebellious tattoo-getting little girl that will give her parents the hell they really deserve.

And I get to be Auntie Here honey let me introduce you to my favorite tattoo artist because I know he’ll do a good job. I always wanted to be Auntie Mame growing up - the non-singing Rosalind Russell Mame not the Lucille Ball “You charm the husk right off of the corn” Mame. Teaching him her to make martinis for Mr. Woolcott Mr. Wolcott.

Reason number 4,856 we’re (probably) not having kids? The thought of getting payback on what I did to my parents gives me vertigo. It’s even worse for Cody who was a nice nerdy boy and never did anything wrong.

I’m thinking of this or two of these for the three-and-a-half year old nephew. I know he’s been learning to read lately and thought having a little stuffed friend to read to would be good. He’s allergic and not allowed near most animals (especially those human ones who smoke). He’s going to be the spoiled mama’s boy mr perfect pants child I can tell already.

My usual policy is to give the ‘phew something educational and really really loud (He-LLO Chicken Dance Elmo!) because I don’t like his parents much and I’m a bitch like that. But I’m getting to be a softie and I wouldn’t want to wake up the new little one.

The in-laws are tough. I’m thinking of this for my mother-in-law who is next to impossible to shop for but enjoys playing dominoes with her sisters and one of these for the father-in-law who has chronic lower back problems. I never know what the hell to get them. I’m really tempted to get them something where some of the money goes to a good cause like from eziba or gear that gives to counteract their bigoted bush voting ways but it didn’t go over too well with Mr. Man when I suggested doing that for father’s day.

Every year I tell myself to just let him pick out his family’s presents but if I did that they’d never get anything in time and I’d get the blame. I have few actual responsibilities and the birthday-remembering, card-sending, gift-buying tasks are among them. Now if sparks would come back online I could remember everyone’s birthday.

I know of two things that would make Mr Man happy but they’re both pretty expensive. The second thing is a Direct TV DVR with DVD recorder built in at a whopping 399 bucks or so I swear I didn’t hallucinate that late night commercial but I can’t find it on the direct tv site for the life of me. So, yeah, Mr Man is probably getting clothes and dvds. Which he’ll be perfectly happy with. But I’d love to be able to get him one of those.

Ms Jocelyn’s present is already here. In fact, I’d gotten it last month and I’m not giving any hints, missy, so there.

For the cats I’m going to pick up two of these and I’m totally stealing this from Mac but I’m getting a pink leather collar with little silver skull and crossbones for the puppy so SHE can match my ipod too!!

Now for my parents, sister, and her husband..no idea. But I can get that done while I’m in B’ham, which I’m actually looking forward to! Christmas shopping with Dad is quite an experience - he’s become Mr Taskmaster in his retirement it’s really funny.

I don’t think I’m going to send out cards this year. I got some happy bunny ones to send to some people but most of the folks on my list wouldn’t understand a christmas card with a cute bunny wearing a santa hat saying, “Santa’s Coming!…I think I’m going to throw up.” They’d probably take it personally. Well, I have a few nicey-nice Crane holiday cards from last year so maybe I’ll sent those out.

I don’t think I’m going to do any decorating here this year either. We’ll be going out of town anyway and the puppy will be at her exclusive spa resort. Decorations would just be something for phunq to eat and barf up while we’re gone. Still no idea whom we’re going to have coming in to check up on the cats and hedgehog.

Someone was pimping a nice holiday cd on their weblog this week but damned if I can remember who it was. Anyone remember?

oh my god how cute is this? if you really really love me you’ll buy that for me.

according to a a survey of 500 artists, curators, critics and dealers.

1. R Mutt’s Fountain, 1917 - better known as Marcel Duchamp’s “readymade” urinal

2. Picasso’s Les Demoiselles d’Avignon, 1907

3. Andy Warhol’s Marilyn Diptych, 1962

4. Picasso’s Guernica, 1937

5. Henri Matisse’s The Red Studio, 1911

6 Joseph Beuys - I Like America and America Likes Me, 1974 - a performance piece in the top ten? wow.

7 Constantin Brancusi - Endless Column, 1938

8 Jackson Pollock - One: No 31, 1950

9 Donald Judd - 100 untitled works in mill aluminium, 1982-1986

10 Henry Moore Reclining Figure 1929

from the Guardian Unlimited

Mom’s Cancer - a comic strip about a very smart man’s mom getting diagnosed with lung cancer. It’s not as depressing as it sounds but it is interesting, poignant, sad, and thought-provoking.

There’s a Confederacy of Dunces fan group on LiveJournal where the postings are rare but usually written in character and are damn funny.

The Authentic History Center - looking at pop cultural artifacts from a different, more prejudiced time from a modern perspective. (Right, go check out some of the cartoons from 2001) Reminds me of the “Coon Chicken” scenes in Ghost World.

Salon article on A Very Long Engagement, the new Jeunet film with Audrey Tautou, most people know her sweet face from Amelie.