Dear fridge guy,

I miss you. I know I’m supposed to be coy and pretend that I’m ambivalent about whether or not you ever call me back but I gave up on those silly games when I was twenty-five. When I realized that if you actually tell someone what you want they can decide whether or not to help you get it - and in a lot of cases if you’re nice enough they will choose to do so.

I saw you last week but that just wasn’t enough. So you said you’d come by today. I’ve been waiting all day for your call. I even cleaned the house so you wouldn’t think we live like the freaks we probably are. Well, ok, Cody cleaned this time but still..I thanked and praised him and took the garbage to the curb.

My refrigerator needs you. I need you. If you come back I promise I’ll let you hold the hedgehog again. I’ll bake you a cake (if you knew me well you’d know how big a deal that is). I’ll cut your hair. I’ll even take you to the store and buy you a big pack of socks.

Just please please please please call me. We all miss you so. We miss having dairy products. We miss not having to go out to the garage to get ice. Life just isn’t the same without you.

Love,
Noelle

P.S. Please come soon we really wanted to take the dog to the dog park today. And as you well know, a happy hundred-pound dog is a ‘not jumping over the toddler gate to try to get to you’ hundred-pound dog.