I’ve been going to the morning water aerobics classes at the gym on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. After the eleven o’clock class I hang around in the sauna and hottub for a bit. Just killing time letting Cody sleep a while before he picks me up at one.

There’s a middle-aged blonde woman that sometimes goes to the last class. I’ve been talking with her a bit - mostly about the possibility of going to drawing classes at a place downtown, or how much we dislike Rush Limbaugh and how, no, she would not enjoy listening to Michael Savage despite what that guy said.

She’s your typical New Mexico transplant that people born here (including my husband) absolutely hate. She eats only organic foods and is quite loud about it, uses plastic bags but claims she forgot her reusable bag that day, has no qualms about loudly saying what people should or shouldn’t do, stands around in the locker room just slightly closer than the average American comfort zone of personal space - totally naked, waxes poetic about natural product buzzwords like Burt’s Bees and Aveda and random obscure health-mind-body exercise classes.

The worst part is she’s a total fucking racist about Hispanics. Don’t forget that cruelty-free lipgloss and free-range chicken while you’re making huge assumptions about the checkout girl’s origins!

It took me a little while to realize this but you know when you’re afraid someone in the room is overhearing what this woman is saying to you and you’re going to get beaten up - that’s not good.

Last week she pulled some little spandex outfit out of the locker room garbage and took it home. Yesterday she told me that there wasn’t really anything wrong with the clothes other than the fact that it smelled like “the sweat of a person whose eaten tacos all their life.” That’s a direct quote. I said, “What it smelled like cumin?” Trying to cover her severe faux pas with a distinctly-scented spice reference. But, no, she said it again “No it smelled like taco sweat.” I can’t remember the term she used - something like “Chula Chica” or something which, technically would be translated as “cool chick” but whatever she was using it in a derogatory manner.

Another time I was talking about that Are you looking at my friend’s tits experience and she assumed the men were Hispanic. Actually she assumed they were Hispanic but called them Mexican which is a really good way to insult someone whose family has lived in New Mexico longer than it’s been a state - or even a US territory in some cases. Most old families here are a blend of Spanish (as in Spain), Mexican-Indian (Aztec, Mayan), Native American (Navajo, etc.), and Anglo (general reference to European descent of some kind). In fact the men in that story were white if that means anything at all.

She talked about her next-door neighbors and how there are a bunch of different people staying there in some kind of rotation. How they stand around playing pool in the garage listening to ranchero music. She implies they’re in a gang - or harboring illegals.

I have no idea how long this lady has lived here but she must’ve missed the How to behave in a place with lots of ethnic influences orientation class they offer to people moving here from out of state. I got my first lesson, How to pronounce Chimichanga properly, the second month I was here at the Allsups down the street. Ok so there isn’t an orientation class but I’d pay a few extra bucks in taxes to start one up just so they’ll stop making us all look bad.

I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t said anything to her….yet. But what do you say to someone that loud and self-righteous? I’m so good at calling right wingers on their shit why can’t I do the same for the hypocrites on our side?

Video Game Gals take it off for Playboy

Just watched the trailer for The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and it has a Joy Division song in it. Think Cody would mind if I had Wes Anderson’s babies? I think there should be many many offspring of people who are that cool running around. Maybe I should start a foundation to perpetuate the genes of people with excellent taste in music and imagery. Volunteers?

This is probably really crappy but it’s my site and I can be crappy like this if I wanna. I apologize in advance for the crassness of this post but I reallyreallyreally want an ipod. So if blatant begging and/or commercialism offends thee then you better move along for the moment.

I’m awaiting four completed offers at freeipods.com and I still need seven more at freeflatscreentv.com. The good news is I have something to offer in return.

I have twelve gmail invites right now. If you go sign up, complete an offer, and email me with the address you used to sign up I will send you a gmail invitation. Don’t try to bullshit me because I have access to who did or did not sign up and complete their offers.

I hate to say it but Internet Explorer seems to be the only browser that handles their signup pages properly so be sure to use IE.

I’ll update this post with the number of invites left as it happens. And I’ll probably get some more invites soon that I’ll be happy to offer up for more sign ups.

What’s with the free ipod and free flat screen tv? Some call it a pyramid scam or our century’s answer to a chain letter. Basically if you click a referral link, sign up, complete one of the site’s offers (like signing up for aol or real rhapsody), and get five (for the ipod) or eight (for the tv) friends to do the same they’ll send you your prize. Not all offers require a credit card but the last time I checked they are all trial offers that can be cancelled without a charge.

Many many sites have been researching this issue and have confirmed its legitimacy. Here are a few-
Wired news
Engadget
Forever geek
Free ipod guide

Holy shit there’s a trader Joe’s in Santa Fe now

Cody called comcast because the cable connection wasn’t working. He got some woman in Canada.

Oddly enough I almost always get call centers in Canada. I’ve only gotten a center in India once when I was confirming a flight and it went very well. I heard about the practice of outsourcing to India from my dad in 2000 because a company owned by a friend of his was one of the first to do it. I believe that company stopped the practice within about a year of starting it too because it was not as cost effective or functional as it seemed it would be. People didn’t believe me when I told them about it then.

Back to the call

He asked what the gateway should be. She didn’t know what he was talking about.

He said, “Do you know what a gateway is?”

She said, “Yeah, it’s a computer.”

We don’t call comcast for tech support anymore.

is a very funny game. A stick figures disco bandit fighting undead elbow macaroni with a mean pair of tongs. No, really. And it’s free. check it out

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, author of On Death and Dying, passed away at the age of 78. On Death and Dying, written in 1969, introduced the concept that terminally ill patients go through stages in accepting their own death.

While Dr. Kubler-Ross postulated that “acceptance” is the last stage of grieving, her own attitude and actions prior to her own death speak to the possibility that there might be one more: smokin em while you got em.

Reuters

Hedgehog by Paul Muldoon

The snail moves like a
Hovercraft, held up by a
Rubber cushion of itself,
Sharing its secret

With the hedgehog. The hedgehog
Shares its secret with no one.
We say, Hedgehog, come out
Of yourself and we will love you.

We mean no harm. We want
Only to listen to what
You have to say. We want
Your answers to our questions.

The hedgehog gives nothing
Away, keeping itself to itself.
We wonder what a hedgehog
Has to hide, why it so distrusts.

We forget the god
Under this crown of thorns.
We forget that never again
Will a god trust in the world.